Hell on Pancakes (A Deadlands: Hell on Earth Campaign

Called to the Principal's Office

Echo and Librarian Metzer Talk.

Oh, sweet. Thanks fer meetin’ me, there, Principal Met- oh, okay. Librarian Metzer, then. So, shit, yeah. Looks like yer purty busy ‘round here, so I’mma cut to the chase if it’s cool with you? Cool.

I wanna give the high school ’bout fifty grand or so.

No, I ain’t here to ask you to name a wing after me or anything all ego-maniacal like that. I couldn’t give a shit if nobody ever knowed I gave ya this money. People need help, I got extra money, so obviously I gives it to ‘em. And no, I don’t want ya ta give lenience to my kids or nothin’.

I do got a lil bit of an agenda though. Seems like there’s a lotta misconceptions people even here in Junkyard got ‘bout Junkers. Yer school’s here to educate people, right? So, I want people to learn about Junkerin’.

Fuck, dude, calm the hell down for a second, would you? No, I sure as shit ain’t suggestin’ we start teachin’ teenagers how to make shit that might accidentally fuckin’ explode. God damn, man. I know I got this accent and it prob’ly makes me sound dumb, but… fuck.

No, I wanna educate people ’BOUT Junkers, not train ’em to be Junkers. Not in high school. Shit, man.

So here’s how I’m envisionin’ it. It could be like an elective course or somethin’, for the kids who are interested. Prob’ly require a certain level of math and a basic grounding in science. You teach folk ‘bout a little of the theory. Purely theoretical shit. How there’s spirits, the transmogrification of things into the parts you need via the spirits, that kinda thing. I want the kids to learn about all the cool shit Junkers can do, but I also want them to know the challenges Junkers face, and all the dangerous shit that can go wrong if you don’t do a bang-up job. It’s important, I think, fer you to temper their enthusiasm with caution. ‘cause as we know, if you don’t do a real good job, that shit might blow up, or yank you out to the Huntin’ grounds, or who the fuck knows what else. So yeah, teach ‘em ’bout the cool shit, but also the problems. Then they’ll have a proper idea about how it all works, and the good sides, and the down sides, ‘case they wanna go and become actual Junkers themselves. Oh, ’specially tell ’em ’bout the dangers o’ dealin’ with gun spirits. That’ll fuck a dude right up, no matter how good his intentions are.

Oh, nah, I couldn’t teach it I’m afraid. I’ve got like a zillion fuckin’ projects I’m workin’ on. But Junkyard’s full of Junkers, I’m sure you guys can find one with a knack fer teachin’ willin’ ta do it. Prob’ly only hafta teach a couple hours a day I’m guessin’, though I’ll leave the schedulin’ shit up to you a’course. I’m told Librarians are good at findin’ shit. If ya can’t find nobody, I’ll do some askin’ ’round, see if I can find a good candidate.

So… yeah. Sound good? Come on down to the bank with me, then, an’ we’ll get them widgets transferred over.



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