Hell on Pancakes (A Deadlands: Hell on Earth Campaign)

Report for Ike

The following audio recording is left for Ike:

“Hey, yeah, this thing on? Hmm. The lil flashin’ red light is on, so… I guess? ‘kay. Uh, so Ike. Yeah, man, it’s Echo. Just updatin’ you on shit. I was gonna write you a report, but fuck if that wouldn’t take forever tryin’ ta type that shit out on my palmcorder. So audio recordin’ instead. I ain’t much fer speechifyin’ so I’ll keep it purty short if’n I kin.


“So, New Provo. That place were fucked-up. ‘parently their leadership had gotten hold o’ some evil fuckin’ book o’ fuckin’ evil, with a spider kinda theme to it. It somehow gave ‘em control o’ monster trap-door spiders, and the cult had taken over most o’ the city leadership, and replaced them with some kinda spider-monsters what could wear human skin. That Librarian guy, Raph, mighta got more details, but that’s purty much the jist of it. Anyway, we destroyed that fuckin’ book, and we’re purty sure all the spider monsters is dead. I fixed up their shit so that they should be defensible after I wiped out a lotta their defenses durin’ the battle with the spider monsters. We gave their new leadership one o’ them palmcorder things like y’asked, told ‘em they’d wanna send a representative ta the meetin’ thing. You should be able to talk to ‘em now if y’need, a’course. Here’s the serial number thingy o’ that palmcorder we gave ’em.

“Then there’s the shit with Cedar City and Enoch. Long story short, there was a container of FEV that was leakin’ into their water supply. Each town thought the other was poisonin’ ‘em. Some stupid fucks thought this one family whose place held the FEV container was actually vampires, despite all evidence to the contrary. We sorted that shit out in time for some dumb shits to make a coup attempt in Enoch to try and become the new sheriff there, but we fucked-up them plans, and now the survivors of that coup attempt are bein’ put ta work as labor. People o’ Cedar City done left, so that settlement’s empty now, and they all joined up in Enoch ‘cause it’s more secure-able. They had a buncha scrap when I was there, so they’d prob’ly be good to trade with Junkyard. Again, told ‘em ’bout representation and shit, and here’s the serial number thingy o’ the palmcorder they done got too.

“Uh… lessee. Page, Utah. That place got destroyed by a Servitor that apparently went around on an indestructible motorcycle and he had infinite grenades and shotgun shells. How’s that fer freaky powers? War, I’m guessin’. Uh… yeah, he murdered the whole town. He didn’t actually set off all the explosives he set up everywhere, and I’m purty sure we disabled them bombs and shit, but uh… yeah. That whole town’s dead. We did ruin that Servitor’s day though. If it helps any or it’s useful? His name was Leonard Biggs. He was conscripted into the US Army. Cited for violence and temper. Sent to prison for blowing up his lieutenant. Sent to prison in Indian Springs, Nevada. Had just been released in Vegas when the bombs fell. Got into a barfight while on parole, in Vegas, and beat up and stabbed a guy with the dude’s own arm. Unmarried, no kids. Apparently had something to do with a mutant massacre on a buncha norms somewhere ‘round Vegas. Carried three bronzed baby shoes. Maybe he had a mutie kid with three feet that was killed by norms, or something? No idea. We didn’t exactly talk to ’im.

“And uh, yeah. That should catch ya up so far. So we’re gonna go wanderin’ ’round more purty soon. I did wanna know if you wanted us to give out these special palmcorders to any other random settlements we find, or just the ones on yer list. Lemme know ’bout that.”



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